Its past midnight. All these thoughts in my head suddenly popped in. The second I knew it, I’m already writing. I don’t know how and why every time I have something in my mind, with or without sense, I write it down. Whenever I’m writing, I feel invisible. Often times I run out of words and I couldn’t express it the way I wanted it to be expressed. Sometimes it results with different meaning or point of view. I admit that I’m no good with my choice of words because I prefer to use the language I am most comfortable with. I don’t pause when I’m writing because I’m afraid that for a second my mind will be empty and POP! All the thoughts are gone and I just made another piece of paper a trash that somebody would shoot in a can saying, “Ey! Nobody got time for that!” That would have been embarrassing, and discouraging that my writing isn’t interesting and that it is boring.
I have concluded that this isn’t going anywhere.
“I used to think love was something idiots thought they felt.” -Barney Stinson
I really don’t understand why people at my age get tons of trouble (painful ones) about love. I don’t understand why I always write about love behind the fact that I don’t know what love means. I may have experienced it before but I still think that it isn’t reasonable enough to lecture everyone not to do this and that, not to be this and that. I still don’t think that I have experienced everything about love and I can say that I wasn’t even half way through it. I’m not even convinced that I already felt the real magical feeling of being in love… and yet I still write about it.
I mean, how could I have felt something great this early? I’m not even on the 1/4 of my journey yet and I already felt the greatest, most satisfying and gratifying feeling in the world? Are you kidding me? How have I been writing stuff I didn’t even know about? And make people agree with me, maybe a few?
When I was younger, I used to think that once you allowed someone to court you, there is no more turning back. You’re gonna be together for a long time and pretty soon, you’re gonna have to marry that guy. That means you should only allow one man to court you in your entire life. And once you have chosen someone, you’re gonna be together no matter what you’ll go through. No matter how hard it is, you’re just gonna have to look at him straight in the eyes and show him that nothing can break the two of you, that all the worries will be gone soon. You’ll both be just fine because you have each other and that’s the only thing you both need.
He’s the only man you’ll exchange “I love you” with, the only one you’ll kiss, the only man you’ll sleep with, and the only one you want to spend your everyday with. I used to believe that giving the “yes” to someone who wants to be with you is exactly the same as the words “I do” on your wedding day. Sometimes I think… Aren’t there greater things in the world than just love?
People talk about love everyday and I’m getting sick of it. Those people are the ones I want to tell them straight in the face, “You don’t love him. You’re infatuated to him. It isn’t love, it’s lust. Love has a deeper meaning. It gives you the incredible feeling you’d never think you’d feel. And the words “I love you” aren’t just ordinary words people would say whenever they feel like it. You made it sound so cheap. Those are words you tell to people you care about, the ones you truly love. It isn’t “Good morning, Hello, What’s up?” For God sake it’s “I love you”. You only say that to one person, not to every person you want to hook up with.
It makes me sad that sometimes I think, Oh I’m not gonna find love again someday. It makes me even sadder though some already know that what he’ll be going into is a mistake and he’ll only be hurt, he’s still willing to do it, wishing that somehow he can change things and make the trouble seem worth it. Truth is, it won’t always be what you planned it would be and you’re just gonna have to let go of it. Because if you don’t, you’ll never learn and you’re gonna keep repeating the same mistakes. Life has something more for you but you want to settle for less… And I think that’s the saddest of all.
More and more people are having a wrong perception about love. I wonder if there are still somebody out there who believe in love same as what I think of it? So yeah. This turned out to be just another piece about love.